Preschool woes.

It's official. Joel has already learned how to try and get out of going to school. He's always been the "negotiating type". Trying to convince us why he shouldn't go to timeout, why he should have cookies for dinner, and why it's really not bedtime yet.

However, he's really enjoyed going to preschool at our church. In January, he also started attening preschool at our local public school as part of his IEP. He is there receiving "therapy" in a mainstream setting with other regular preschoolers so I thought he would think it was just like his other preschool. Apparently not. Every morning he cries and whines and uses any tactic he can think of to get out of going. His latest is to do a little pathetic, fake cough and tell me he's just to sick to go. (He learned this after he couldn't go because he had pinkeye). His other favorite is to say that we should just go tomorrow instead. And, as a last resort, he reminds me that he is just a tiny baby and is too little for preschool. Heart wrenching, I know (I say that with a tiny bit of sarcasm).

The thing is, I know he enjoys both preschools. Our theory is that at this new school he has specific strategies that are being implemented for him to grow in his social skills, communication, and fine motor skills. In short, he's actually having to work.

If he's this good now at avoiding school, what will happen when he's 12? I distinctly remember myself holding a thermometer up to the light bulb and then showing my mom, telling her I had a fever and couldn't go to school. I actually broke a few thermometers that way--they just got a little too hot! :) That was back in the day before digital ones. It was just the good, ole' mercury. I think my mom frequently wondered why she could never find a thermometer when she needed one.

I guess Joel comes by it naturally.

Thanks, Nana!

I love my new coat!

On a lighter note...

We had haircut day! Here's the before and after. Funny first picture of Jesse huh? Zac thinks he looks like reverse dracula with the molars but no incisors...don't worry though, one broke through this morning.

Sorry there aren't any before and afters of Joel. He doesn't look that different and we cut his hair every 6 weeks. The boys have such different hair--this is only Jesse's second real haircut. His is baby fine and super soft and grows really slowly. Joel's is thick and coarse and I can practically see it growing. We shaved his head at 6 months and have kept the clippers nearby ever since.

Lot's of people say the boys look alike. I don't really see it but if their hair was more similar, I might be able to.

I guess these guys didn't think the Academy Awards were too interesting...

Arrgghhh....

Did I mention that in the last two months we've received over $2000 in bills for some lab tests Joel has been undergoing? So frustrating...

The doctor said all of these things were important to check out so I dutifully collected urine, stool, hair, and blood samples for days on end. I was hoping that we could find a biomedical cause of Joel's autism (and many people do), so this desperate mom pushed on.

Well, nothing turned up. Except that Joel is allergic peanuts, soybeans, garbanzo beans, oats, celery, chocolate, and milk (we knew that one). But, the allergies are so small that he didn't even have external symptoms--although the doctor said it can cause behavioral problems which we have seen.

So, we tweaked some of his supplements (he's now taking 12 daily, ridiculous, I know) and he seems to be doing a little better. Nothing life-changing though, and certainly not worth $2000 or the hours I've spent on the phone with the insurance company. Did I mention that the doctor said it was great that we have Blue Cross/Blue Shield insurance because they would cover everything?

Seriously, I should just go to work for an insurance company since the hours I've spent on the phone with them over the past 3 years have been the equivalent of a part-time job. If I really believed that Hilary Clinton could solve our insurance woes, I would actually vote for her. Unfortunately, I don't think it's that easy.

Did I also mention that when we were researching insurance this past summer, I couldn't find anyone to cover me unless I paid $900 a month--just for me. Nice. Thankfully, Zac got a job that covers more of our insurance costs and our premium per month is less than that for the whole family. I heard some grocery store workers complaining the other day that they were being asked to pay $50 a month now to contribute to their health insurance coverage. If only they realized how good they had it.

Oh, how it does make me long for heaven when our bodies are healed from all of this nonsense. Sorry about the venting.

Pictures!

Can you tell I got the picture thing figured out? Just some pics from our day yesterday. Gymboree, special lunch at McDonald's (Joel pointed out that since it was right across the street from Gymboree we should just go there), then watching a little video (the hug picture).

The last picture...definitely time to go home and take a nap. Jesse is still kind of at that age where playland at McDonald's just isn't quite as fun as it could be. Soon buddy, don't worry.

Good news, I guess.

The good news is that I got my new camera and it's great!! The bad news is that I can't figure out how to transfer the pictures to my computer to show you. The problem with getting new stuff is the learning curve you encounter trying to figure out how to actually use it.

More good news is that we are finally getting a fence at our house! This is the type of thing that I used to think could not have possibly been any more boring to think or talk about in my "pre grown-up" days (yes, I'm assuming grown-up status now). Well, now that I have reached new levels of maturity (and responsibility) that come with being a parent and homeowner, different things interest me. Things like fences, thread count, side curtain airbags, IRA's, vitamin supplements, humidifiers (those of you not from the dry state of Colorado still probably aren't interested in this one, no matter how mature you are), coupons, and gas mileage.

Anyway, we are finally getting a fence. I've been gathering estimates for months, then winter happened, then the ground froze, and everything got put on hold. I kind of felt a little pressure since our whole street is coming together at the same time to do this (all new houses), and I thought I was the only one researching. Turns out, a neighbor a couple of houses down got an even better quote than my best and we're on the schedule...it's kind of a relief. Sad though, that we are paying $1500 for wood. I could think of many other more interesting uses for the money, but now the kids can play safely in the backyard this spring and summer! I'll be sure to post a picture when the whole thing comes to fruition...I'm sure you can't wait! Don't I lead an exciting life?

Public Service Announcement

I haven't blogged about this yet, but since I'm passionate about it and the issue just came up again at the doctor, I'll share. Ever since Joel was diagnosed with autism and we've been researching causes, factors, treatments, etc., we've been studying vaccinations. Many parents of children with autism claim their child "changed" (for the worse) after they received their vaccines (usually at 12 or 18 months). I didn't notice an extreme regression in Joel, although it was generally around the same time. My point is not that vaccines cause autism (who really knows what causes it?).

BUT, it did get me researching vaccines--what's in them, when and why are they given, and why they were created. What I have found has left me SO disturbed--toxic ingredients, high "failure" rates, short-term and long-term systemic damage, etc. I could go into lots and lots of details, if any of you are interested or want some resources, make a comment and we can chat about it. But the one thing that I wish I could convince everyone of is to look at the vaccine schedule. We vaccinate babies at 2, 4, 6, 12, and 18 months with anywhere from 10-14 vaccines EACH time. That can't be the wisest thing to do to an immune system that isn't completely developed yet. We don't know yet what widespread damage could be done by this since administering that many vaccines is relatively new. What studies are showing though, is that the increase of autoimmune diseases has been exponential since the increase in vaccines. Is this because the immune system has been damaged early on?

I'm not telling people not to vaccinate--that is a very personal and sometimes controversial decision. But what you can do is change the vaccine schedule. Don't get all of the shots at once--you can space them out, delay them until kindergarten (or any time you are ready--some pediatricians recommend starting at 6 or 12 months), and even skip the ones that are not as important. It's not an "all or nothing and right now" deal. And, NEVER vaccinate if your child is ill or has recently been ill (even with just a mild cold). There, that's it. That's how I feel. That's the beauty of having my own blog.

18 months and going strong!

Jesse had his 18 month well baby visit yesterday. Both boys were great at the doctor (not often the case) and were very entertained by the giant fish tank (often the case).

The vital stats: 25 lbs. 4 oz. (45%), 33 inches long (75%), head--big (90%)

The good news is that he gained 3 pounds in 3 months (after not gaining any weight for almost 4 months prior to that)! Has a little exczema on the cheeks...we've been wondering about those red bumps...but nothing major that some hydrocortisone shouldn't take care of. His tubes look great. I've said it before but I am SO, SO thankful for that surgery!

oops.

Now I have pinkeye. Where was it lurking? Seriously, the boys have been clear for a week and I washed everything. Yucky. This means I have to wear my glasses for a few days which is always irritating to me--especially now that Jesse enjoys shouting out, "glasses!" and yanking them off my face.

This morning I attended a prayer & share group that a lady at our church invited me too. There are just 4 of us and it's a great way for me to continue getting connected. It was also great timing because our family has been experiencing some spiritual warfare lately (not surprised with the new job change and responsibilities and our trying to get involved with new ministries). Zac felt it especially strongly and was woken up in the middle of the night with an extremely unsettled feeling. So, we were able to pray for it this morning and will continue to do so. Add it to the list if you think about it!!

One more thing...

We also went to the park after naps this afternoon. The boys were like animals let out of a cage (I mean that in a happy, feeling free way. Not the rabid, I'm going to attack someone way...just to clarify). It was a balmy, 65 degrees outside!! I think it should be illegal to not go outside on a day like this when it's technically still winter.

And just in case they still have any energy left before bedtime, we're heading to Gymboree after dinner. That should take care of it.

Today

1. Taking care of miscellaneous "important" papers that have been calling my name from a to-do pile for awhile now.

2. Registering to vote...yes, I know. We are late. We actually thought we registered to vote right after we moved here and we registered the cars. I know I signed the form...but when I tried to go to the caucus, I learned otherwise.

3. Laundry. ugh. I need my mom here today. She is what I lovingly call the "laundry nazi". She does at least one load a day and actually takes great pleasure in it. I think it causes her instant anxiety when she comes here and sees our full laundry baskets in the closets.

4. Having a friend and her little boy over for lunch.

Side note: I'm a little tired. Joel was yelling at 5:45 this morning so I went in to investigate. Turns out, he needed to use the potty. I think my feelings reflected a perfect definition of ambivalence--so glad he didn't wet the bed...pretty annoyed that I was now up for the morning. (Neither of us win any awards for going back to sleep once we've been awakened). Still, this is a big step for all you you potty trainers out there. It's much easier to stay in the warm bed, if you know what I mean. (for both of us, I guess...). :)

Thank you, Presidents.

Our weekend was extended so we spent some time in Colorado Springs with the family. We had dinner with my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, and their baby girl, Stella. She is four months old and was just babbling away during dinner. So cute! Joel sat down right next to her and they just stared at each other endearingly. I'll get some pics soon--my brother took some. I also hope that toward the end of the week I'll have some more recent pics of my own. Our camera has been broken but we finally ordered a new one! Hooray!

This afternoon, I got to go shopping for wedding dresses with my friend who just got engaged. It was fun! It's been a couple of years since I've done that with someone and I love the excitement in the air, anticipating such a fun event. I'm also glad that I don't have to personally worry about that stuff anymore...a little stressful.

This evening, Joel was running to the bathroom and tripped just a little. He stopped, looked at his feet, then looked at me and said, "Don't worry, Joel's legs work 'cause Jesus made them not broken anymore!" He learned about how Jesus healed the lame man's leg (the guy who was lowered into a house through the roof by his clever friends) in nursery at church a couple of weeks ago and is quite fascinated by the idea. He frequently prays for God to heal his eye...I'm sure God understands and just redirects those to be prayers for my eye...Joel's if fine :).

Lovely day

Today was just a really nice, relaxed Saturday. We took the boys to Gymboree, had a special lunch at Chik-fil-A with "french dries and cold slaw" as Joel calls it. Yum. Joel also climbed up the play area and went down the slide all by himself--that's a really big deal for him with some of his motor planning challenges. At Gymboree there were two little boys playing that were the same age difference as Joel and Jesse (20 months) but they were probably a year younger. I was thinking that they both looked like babies and was surprised to learn that my kids probably looked like that to other people after Jesse was born. Looking back, I realize how young Joel still was when Jesse was born, even though he seemed so grown-up to me (relative, I guess). I still can picture him marching into the hospital room after Jesse was born, drinking out of a straw sippy cup that my mom had just bought him that morning--he looked like such big stuff to me! But now I laugh because he'd just started walking 4 months earlier, wasn't really talking, and sitll wasn't sleeping through the night. I don't feel like Jesse is growing up asquickly because now that I have someone older to compare him to, he still seems like such a little guy. If I were to have another baby next month, Jesse and that baby would be the same age distance as Joel and Jesse...that's hard to imagine!!


Then later, one of my best friends (friends since we were 11) came by with her fiance. She just got engaged the day before Valentine's Day so we got to talk "wedding stuff"! Congratulations, Lindsay!!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Zac thinks Valentine's Day is a lame, commercialized holiday (those are his exact words). Can you just feel the romance oozing from his every pore!? I think he's just irritated because he had to change his work schedule around this week to accomodate some holiday celebrations of others.

However, I enjoy the day and am taking this time to reflect on how thankful I am for my three valentine boys. God has blessed us and I'll take any reminder to help me ponder just how much I love them and am loved by them. I also really like candy so that's just an added bonus to the holiday :).

Here's to you, honey!! May we have many more together!!

3 little words

This may not be very exciting for you all but stay with me. Joel's language is progressing--still behind--but better and he has started making comments and asking questions. That in itself is a huge step. Last week, he took a drink then said, "ahhh, I love drinks". I smiled because that's one of the first times he's said the word "love" unprompted, but I was disappointed that it's debut was in reference to a glass of water. Later that day we were eating dinner and I was putting some food down for Jesse, and Joel looked over at me and said, "I love mommy". I got really excited and hugged and praised him for being so kind and he said "that makes mommy happy". "Yes, buddy, it does!" But then I started crying and he got confused and thought I was sad. Oops, I pulled it together so as not to ruin the big moment.

Then, this afternoon I told him I loved him. A few hours later he came up to me and said he loved me too. And I really feel like he understood what it meant. It's amazing how a few words from him can melt away hours, days, weeks, and months of frustrations and sadness in an instant. I dream that in the future our battle for Joel against autism will seem like just a blip in the radar of his life. Something of the past that is hard to remember. However, I never want to forget moments like this.

Still yuck

So Joel's little "illness" has now morphed into some mystery rash that comes and goes. Every time I get ready to take him to the doctor, it disappears. Then other times it covers 1/3 of his body and is really itchy. This has been happening all day long...kids are so weird. Jesse started to get a little pinkeye himself yesterday but we nipped that right in the bud. Nice.

On a different note, I have a good friend with a newborn baby girl who is in the hospital with RSV. If you all could pray for her that would be great. Their family has had some extreme challenges over the past year and I think they are running on empty right now. It's one of those situations where you wonder how God will bring about redemption amidst such difficulty. I am thankful for the trials our family has experienced for several reasons, but one is that it has deepened my understanding of God's sovereignty and goodness amidst a depraved and broken world. Even now, several years later I can see small ways that God showed us such mercy, love, and care during those times. He hadn't abandoned us. He wasn't punishing us. He was upholding us, amidst our situation. He is so much greater than the sadness that this world can bring. I pray that our friends will experience this love of God.

Sheldon VanAuken wrote an amazing book, A Severe Mercy, that speaks about how God used a certain devastation in his life to really draw him into a true relationship with God. What seemed so horrible was actually used by God to bring about the best thing that could have happened in his life. Wow.

Yuck!

Unfortunately, Joel is a bit under the weather...pink eye and a little cold. Good news is that we got some antibiotic drops and it's clearing right up. Bad news is that he broke our streak of being "illness free" for a whole 2 months!! Yep, that's a Hicks' record, especially during the winter. A friend of mine calls preschoolers little petri dishes. I think that's a fairly accurate assessment :). Here he is making his sad face for dramatic effect!

And sweet Jesse is our little hat-wearer. If he sees a hat anywhere, he must put it on. I frequently find him wearing random hats he has found, but the other day, he pushed open the bathroom door while I was getting ready and declared, "hat!". He had a pair of Joel's (clean, thankfully) underwear on his head. Ummm...yeah, good job buddy!

Refreshed and ready

Well, we enjoyed a wonderful weekend

"off". We went to a jazz concert with dinner and dancing at church Friday night, then slept in, had lunch with friends, went to Starbucks, took a walk, went out to dinner, and went to a Caedmon's Call concert all on Saturday. It was quite the day!

We were excited to see the boys and are ready to start a new week :)

(This picture is one of many hugs and kisses that Joel likes to give Jesse everyday. As you can see in the photo, it always makes Jesse a little bit "suspicious".)

Heaven.

Well, not quite. But heaven on earth maybe. Zac and I are enjoying a much needed weekend away from the kids! Yes, 2 whole nights of quiet and peace. It is quite possible that the house may actually stay clean for 2 days, and maybe, just maybe, I will sleep past 6:30 a.m for 2 days.

In all seriousness, we are very thankful for Nana and Papa who were willing to take the boys and have a big "sleepover" at their house. I told Joel that we were going on a little trip and he and Jesse would stay with them. He looked at me with big eyes and said "like Nana and Papa's trips?" (That would be when they go to California for weeks at a time). "No, no, Buddy. Just a little tiny trip". He was comforted by that and apparently keeps telling them that mommy and daddy are just on a little, tiny trip.

This just works out so great for everyone--grandparents get some alone time with the boys which they love, mom and dad get some alone from the boys, which they love, and the boys get a change of scenery and undivided attention, which they love. See, everybody wins!!

Thanks, Mom and Dad!

A little bit scattered...

I probably shouldn't blog about this because it is kind of embarrassing but unfortunately, this is a "real" glimpse into something that is not all to uncommon in my life.

After dropping Joel off at preschool this morning, Jesse and I ran to the grocery store to get one quick item. They didn't have it so we drove 10 minutes away to Target. Upon arriving at Target, I realized I left my wallet in the cart at the grocery store. Most people would panic at this moment--I did only slightly because, not kidding, I have probably left my wallet 7 or 8 different places in the last few years, and by God's grace, some kindhearted person always returns it, but I digress... Anyhow, I called the store, yes, they had it. I still needed my one item at Target so I take my checkbook and run in, get my stuff, but they won't let me check out without my ID. Leave Target, go back to grocery store, get wallet (with ID), go back to Target. Repurchase everything, show ID, leave Target. Finally loading Jesse into the car for the 15th time when nice Target lady comes running out with the checkbook I'd left at the register.

Don't worry--I didn't forget Joel at preschool. We are all home safe and I will make sure to engage only in low-key activities for the day since my brain doesn't appear to be functioning at full speed.

Ears all good!

This little man went to the ENT doctor to make sure everything is okay with his tubes after the surgery. All is well, and his hearing is already back to normal! Praise the Lord for technology to help with these things. After continuous ear infections for the past 6 months, he's quite happy to be feeling better I think. Sleeping really well (and not screaming when he wakes up) and finally eating better...gained 2 pounds in 3 weeks! Too bad I'm not as excited about my holiday weight gain, haha. AND, my formerly easy-going child is back again!!

(Jesse before tubes in his ears)

(This is Jesse after tubes in his ears)

Playtime...

Today I had some friends over that I met at church. She has two boys who are almost the same ages as mine. Wow, 4 boys ages three and under can sure do a lot of damage! I love the look in kid's eyes when they walk into a playroom full of toys they've never seen before. I wonder if I'll look like that when I see heaven.

Her oldest son also has autism (as does my oldest) and so it was interesting to watch them together. Obviously the social piece is difficult for them but they were cute! Her son was just diagnosed this summer and he reminded me of how Joel was this time last year, shortly after he was diagnosed. I was able to see just how far Joel has come and I am so thankful. There are many, many days where I lament how behind he is, how everything in our day is a constant struggle, how it takes me countless hours to teach him something that most kids pick up on their own. But then there are moments where I get a glimpse of his progress and I am blown away. While I want to stay focused for Joel, and remain forward moving, in my heart I always want to feel the grace of his growth.

It is a blessing to be friends with this mom--she understands the sorrow, fear, motivation, sarifice, commitment, and patience that is all wrapped up in loving our "special" little guys.

Joel's preschool class took a fieldtrip this morning to attend a children's symphony. We opted for our playdate here instead--the idea of trying to keep both both boys in their chairs and quiet for an hour while at the symphony seemed like it might push me over the stress-meter for the week. I like how the teacher picks the activity and then makes all the parents come along to do the dirty work. I suppose in theory it was a great idea for some kids...just not mine at this time. :)

Here we go!

Well, since I've really been enjoying reading people's blogs lately, I thought it might be fun to start my own and use this as a way to better keep in touch. I'm not so good on the telephone, slightly better at email, but if I can post and whoever wants to remain updated can check, then we are in business!