Prayer

I'm not sure exactly what to say in this post, except to reiterate the importance of prayer and the ability to enjoy life one day at a time.

As I thinking several days ago about what sorts of medical things I need to do in the near future to continue following up with the cancer and my eye, I was led to do a little more research about my specific type of cancer--ocular melanoma (OM). I knew it was extremely rare and am familiar with the treatment options (obviously), but have always struggled with where to go from here--post-treament but still needing regular cancer screening and follow-up, to make sure nothing is spreading.

My eye doctor basically said the standard follow-up tests are annual chest x-rays and liver function tests every six months (it's just a blood test). The reason for these 2 specifically is that the cancer would most likely spread to the lungs or liver first. So, I went to see an oncologist several years ago and had never heard of OM until I sat down in his office. Not very comforting.

Shortly after that I got pregnant with Jesse and put off any other more invasive tests (CT scans, MRI's etc.). A year and half ago, though, I had what appeared to be an abnormality on my chest x-ray so a CT scan was ordered. On the scan, they saw a "concerning" area on my adrenal gland, so a PET scan was then done. Turns out, they still aren't sure what the spot is but it's very small and hadn't grown so the plan was to just watch it. Honestly, I'm not really concerned about that anymore--this is all sort of a side note.

I have since been referred to a new oncologist by my eye doctor who is actually familiar with OM and works closely with my eye doctor. I will see her in a few weeks. As I was researching online, trying to decide if I needed another CT or PET scan, I came across a lot of information.

It turns out that there is a fairly high chance (anywhere from 15-40%) chance of it spreading to my liver. The liver blood test only catches 60-70% of the times that it has spread and so those other 30-40% are living with undetected liver cancer. What makes it tricky is that this type of melanoma is much MORE agressive and quite different from regular melanoma, making it very difficult to treat. It is often fatal, in a very short period of time (under a year). There are several clinical trials going on right now that are researching different treatments for this type of liver cancer, but nothing conclusive has happened yet.

So, where does that leave me? Somewhat shocked. Quite thankful that I have some new information to go off of. And armed with a huge list of questions for the oncologist. I won't bore you with all of them and some of it gets pretty technical.

All I do know is that scans are recommended, along with the blood tests and x-rays, every six months, at least! If there's any chance of beating this, the earliest detection possible is necessary. I am sad that I haven't ever heard a doctor say this but everything is so rare and the research is so new that I'm also not surprised.

This also gives me a chance to get on my knees in prayer--a lot more. God knows my days and has them planned, but I can still pray for health and a long life. I will not live in fear--I don't want to live with any regrets about the life that I have been given and how I lived it. This just gives me yet another opportunity to refocus on the things that are important and not stress about those things that are not (see my previous post about our car woes). I will now get new tires and not even think twice about.

I'd rather spend that time and energy playing with my kids, or hanging out with my husband, or having coffee with friends.

So, if those of you reading this would again join with me in prayer, I would be so grateful.

Pray for wisdom for myself and the oncologist.

Pray for correct and accurate information.

Pray for clear readings of the scans I will get, as soon as the baby is born.

Pray for peace for me and Zac (who wants to face the possibility that your spouse could die--I know everyone has this chance--but it seems to be hitting extra close to the heart right now).

Pray that insurance won't deny the necessary testing (the necessity is very subjective).

And most of all, pray that I will remain cancer-free, by God's grace, for the rest of my life!

We serve an awesome God who is so much bigger than we can imagine. For that, I am so thankful.