Nesting?!

I just noticed that little ticker to the right is about to drop below 100 days....yikes! I can tell that I'm getting close (not just by the growing belly :) but by the amount that I have begun "nesting". Apparently this is a very powerful thing for me when pregnant because I have done it with all 3 boys.

What are your symptoms you ask? Well, it's been different with each kid. With Joel, I became obsessive cleaning woman. I cleaned every inch baseboard in our house with a toothbrush and soapy water. I completely soaped, rinsed, and sanitized the inside of our refrigerator and freezer, I vaccumed out all of our kitchen cabinets (took everything out first), I cleaned all of our blinds, etc. You get the idea.

I also decided it was a great time to redecorate our bedroom (our just decorate, since it was the only room that hadn't really been done after we moved). It turned out really well--I was so pleased. Except for the time that Zac found me sobbing in a really dirty, giant t-shirt on the floor of our bedroom at 10:30 at night (yes, he'd just gotten home from work/class/library--I couldn't keep track then) trying to mop up the 1/2 gallon of dark mocha paint that I had just spilled all over our white carpet.

Lesson #1 (for me) Never carry or hold things that could be extremely messy if dropped when pregnant. Lesson #2 I drop EVERYTHING and fall down a lot when I am pregnant. This has been consistent each time. I actually fell down the stairs while holding Joel at 8 months pregnant with Jesse. Somehow I managed to keep him upright and only I had a few bruises to show for it

Back to nesting.

With Jesse, we had just moved again (so much for the redecorated bedroom) so my obsession was organizing. I unpacked like a maniac and made sure that everything had it's perfect place. I labeled our shelves and bought storage bins. I was constantly on the hunt for the perfect containers to hold everything that I needed. It was as if somehow I knew that having 2 kids under 2 would throw my life into a disorganized state so I was waging a preemptive strike. It didn't work.

Actually, after Jesse was born, I became more disorganized than I have ever been. I've actually been working on that a lot this past year (with Zac's help) and I'm getting better. Just in time for baby #3. And by the way, if someone could find my cell phone for me, that would be great!!

With this baby, my nesting is sort of a combo of the other two pregnancies. I'm still cleaning but my time for that is more limited and since our house is quite new, there hasn't been enough time for lots of dust to accumulate on the baseboards. I have been touch-up painting the countless little spots around the house that are the result of thrown toys, crayons, moving dings, etc. My newest idea is to try and eat ALL of the food that we have in the house. Yep, even the cans of strangeness in the back of the cupboard. I'm looking at it as a challenge to plan meals for the next week that exist with mostly only what we already have--I did have to buy a few supplementary items at the store today just to fill in (without Jesse, see previous post--it was so peaceful). Some of my more challenging "ingredients" are 8 packets of plain instant oatmeal (nobody likes it), a can of evaporated milk, cranberry sauce, whole wheat flour (I buy it trying to be healthy but let's be honest...it totally ruins a cookie), and dried pearl barley. I can kill two birds with one stone by being not wasteful AND cleaning out our pantry and refrigerator.

My other obsession has been with crib bedding/nursery decorations. With each baby, I feel it's important to give them a fresh start with a new nursery. My memories are very visual and I love to picture me with each of them in their own, unique room. I don't spend lots of money. I just try to make it different and special for each one. Plus, it makes having lots of boys in a row still interesting. Anyway--for weeks I was poring over websites looking at crib bedding. I finally found it and it should be delivered tomorrow! Next I will pore over paint colors and valances for the room. Then a matching pillow for the rocking chair and changing pad cover. Really, I could just go on and on, but I won't. I'll show restraint. All of this means moving Jesse out of his room and into the guest room so I'll have to get that room ready too.

After lots of thought, I don't think he and Joel are quite ready to share a room yet--who needs 3 kids not sleeping when the baby comes?!? We'll attempt it next spring maybe. I figured, hey, we have enough bedrooms, why not make use of them?

All of this nesting, when analyzed, makes me realize that it's a place to focus my nervous energy. Some of it is fine and normal. But a lot of it is dealing with anxiety in a way that doesn't truly reach the heart. With this baby in particular, I fear that the boys will feel neglected, I fear the baby may some day be diagnosed with autism, I fear that I won't be able to handle 3 boys 3 and under when Zac is gone so often, I fear the sleep deprivation, etc. Instead of spending so much time "preparing" for the baby, it is my new goal to spend more time preparing my heart. To be in prayer and Scripture more as I daily trust in God and lay these things before his throne. He loves us. He has blessed us immensely--even through the trials--and I want to cling to him, not the things the world says I need to do.