This week is full of preschool orientation! I told Zac that I am attending 4 different ones, even though I only have 2 kids in preschool. I guess we will be fully prepared. Joel officially starts tomorrow and Jesse starts next Tuesday. Jesse is just going one morning a week (I think the idea really is for the kids to have a little socializiation and for the moms to get a little break). Either way, I'll take it! It gives me one full morning a week to myself!!!!! That is, for another 2 months. :)
They both seem pretty excited and I can't believe that the summer is almost over already. We did lots of fun things and I am really thankful for all of the things we were able to do.
Plus, it will be nice to run errands with just one child in tow for awhile. I was THAT mom this morning at Walgreen's. Both boys were screaming, Jesse had pooped and had crusty snot on his face. I was tired and hungry (it was too close to lunchtime). I know people were looking at my belly and saying to themselves, "What is she thinking?!" It really wasn't our best moment. We had another one of those moments at preschool this morning too. Those incidents combined propelled me to ask someone to come babysit the boys tonight while I attend a church music party with Zac. He will be "working" at the party and I just decided I didn't want to handle the boys by myself.
I mention all of this because a friend recently emailed me, mentioning how she really feels like she needs help, but has a hard time asking others. Ditto, sister. I was just talking about that last night with Zac. It is REALLY hard for me to ask people to help me--especially with the boys. I don't want them to feel pressure or to feel like I'm shirking my duties as a mom. However, I have gotten a lot better in the last year or so (maybe out of desperation). What I've decided is that it never hurts to ask people. They are more than able to say no (if they have a problem with turning people down, then it's just that--their problem). Many times, I've found people are flattered at the invitation and really enjoy a chance to do something different for awhile. Plus, I do try and rotate who I ask so that the same people don't feel too frequently called upon. To those that do help out and are reading this---THANK YOU!!!! Zac and I often say that we will return the favor to other young families when we are in your position.
What it comes down to is that I don't want to live life with regrets. If all I think about when I look back on this phase of life is that I was stressed out, overwhelmed, and felt trapped with the kids frequently, then I will always wonder why I didn't do something to try and change that. So I am. Now--while I still have the chance!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
And just two more.
I forgot the pic of Joel and Stella hugging--this is for my brother and sister-in-law! Seriously, she did this for 10 minutes. She kept lunging for him, and Joel willing obliged with open arms. He is the BIGGEST baby lover I know. I'm really excited for him to have a new baby brother of his own.
And...I've been getting requests for a belly picture. In general, I try to avoid them. I honestly don't care to remember how I look when I'm 30-50 pounds heavier than normal (yes, I gain lots of weight when I'm pregnant--I'd doing a little better this time, though). But, I will appease the requesters and took one at the wedding, just for you all!!
Wedding fun.
The weekend before our trip, we were in Colorado Springs where I went to a bridal luncheon and a bachelorette party for one of my oldest, best friends. We have known each other since 3rd grade and have so many memories. She has been dating her fiance for longer than Zac and I have even known each other and so there was a lot to celebrate, now that the wedding day was so close!!
After that wild weekend, we left for our trip, got home on a Thursday evening, unpacked, re-packed, and went back down to Colorado Springs for the wedding festivities. We had a great rehearsal on Friday and the wedding was Saturday.
It was quite the family affair for the Hicks' household--I was a bridesmaid, Joel was the ringbearer, and Zac officiated the wedding. Unfortunately, the wedding was supposed to be outside but rain hindered their plans. The whole thing still turned out beautifully, with just a small delay.
Joel had some slight difficulty during the ceremony. He was more interested in the layers of organza on her dress than standing next to me (he told Lindsay she looked like a princess :). I sent him a few rows down to sit with my dad for the duration of the ceremony. He ended up plopping down next to a stranger but he was very kind and tried to keep Joel quietly entertained. At one point he saw Jesse across the row and said, "Jesse, come sit by me!" That was cute. But then a few minutes later, he saw Zac up front and said, "Daddy!" By now I was a little annoyed but what can you expect from a 3 year old...who woke up with a cold that day. Yes, in the middle of August. It was not a good sign for his behavior the remainder of the day. Still, he looked super cute in his little tuxedo and everyone thought he was funny and charming.
Zac did a phenomenal job with the wedding, and a few people were in tears after his message. I think he was relieved--this was his first wedding! It was such a fun weekend for all of us. Congratulations, Lindsay, and thanks for letting us celebrate with you!!
The beautiful bride!
The bridesmaid's wore black which looked really cool because everything else (except our dresses) was black with bright pink accents--her favorite. Thank you, Lindsay, for choosing a slimming color for your 7 months pregnant friend :).
After that wild weekend, we left for our trip, got home on a Thursday evening, unpacked, re-packed, and went back down to Colorado Springs for the wedding festivities. We had a great rehearsal on Friday and the wedding was Saturday.
It was quite the family affair for the Hicks' household--I was a bridesmaid, Joel was the ringbearer, and Zac officiated the wedding. Unfortunately, the wedding was supposed to be outside but rain hindered their plans. The whole thing still turned out beautifully, with just a small delay.
Joel had some slight difficulty during the ceremony. He was more interested in the layers of organza on her dress than standing next to me (he told Lindsay she looked like a princess :). I sent him a few rows down to sit with my dad for the duration of the ceremony. He ended up plopping down next to a stranger but he was very kind and tried to keep Joel quietly entertained. At one point he saw Jesse across the row and said, "Jesse, come sit by me!" That was cute. But then a few minutes later, he saw Zac up front and said, "Daddy!" By now I was a little annoyed but what can you expect from a 3 year old...who woke up with a cold that day. Yes, in the middle of August. It was not a good sign for his behavior the remainder of the day. Still, he looked super cute in his little tuxedo and everyone thought he was funny and charming.
Zac did a phenomenal job with the wedding, and a few people were in tears after his message. I think he was relieved--this was his first wedding! It was such a fun weekend for all of us. Congratulations, Lindsay, and thanks for letting us celebrate with you!!
The beautiful bride!
The bridesmaid's wore black which looked really cool because everything else (except our dresses) was black with bright pink accents--her favorite. Thank you, Lindsay, for choosing a slimming color for your 7 months pregnant friend :).
Seriously, I think this is maybe one of 3 pictures that we have of just the two of us (where we look somewhat decent) in the last 4 years.
I mentioned there was a slight rain delay (like an hour). Joel eventually starting entertaining himself by rolling around on the floor. It was funny--the picture doesn't do it justice!
My little man!!
Jesse is now 2! His birthday was yesterday but since we were all together on vacation last week, we ended up having his party a little early. He got some fun dress-up costumes (those were in our vacation pics, modeled by Joel), a toy helicopter, some great clothes, and a few other things. I can't believe he is already two years old--although some of his behavior as of late has clearly indicated so. :)
He is fiery and fiesty, but also so loving and mellow (I know, it's hard for those to co-exist). He is starting to come into his own a little bit more and his personality cracks me up. He gives me spontaneous hugs, asks Joel if he is okay when he coughs, and covers his gymbo doll up with a little blankie of his own when they lie in the crib together.
He will start preschool at our church next week, going just one morning a week. I think it will be so good for him to have some of his own space and a place where he is just Jesse, not Joel's brother. I look forward to seeing him blossom even more. Every time we tell him that he gets to go to preschool now because he is a big boy, he gets this big smile on his face and looks so proud.
I love this little dude and pray for many more birthdays to celebrate!!
Vacation!!!
We went with my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, niece and our family up to the Rocky Mountains near Vail for 5 days last week. It was a really wonderful trip.
Relaxing.
The 1, 2, and 3 year old children were quite well-behaved (well, mine had their moments, but overall, it was good).
The weather was a perfect 80 degrees every day.
We ate tons of great food (the doctor I'm sure noted that at my OB appt today :)
Our hotel room was gigantic (1400 square feet)--Zac says that's one benefit of having the biggest family between all of us.
We had a king-sized bed. This a wonderful thing for myself, the world's lightest sleeper and my husband, the world's most active sleeper. (He's not really THAT bad--we're just a bad combo of the two).
Here are some pics. My little niece, Stella, will be one next month and she loved giving Joel hugs. He tried his hand at feeding her baby food. They were quite the pair!
Relaxing.
The 1, 2, and 3 year old children were quite well-behaved (well, mine had their moments, but overall, it was good).
The weather was a perfect 80 degrees every day.
We ate tons of great food (the doctor I'm sure noted that at my OB appt today :)
Our hotel room was gigantic (1400 square feet)--Zac says that's one benefit of having the biggest family between all of us.
We had a king-sized bed. This a wonderful thing for myself, the world's lightest sleeper and my husband, the world's most active sleeper. (He's not really THAT bad--we're just a bad combo of the two).
Here are some pics. My little niece, Stella, will be one next month and she loved giving Joel hugs. He tried his hand at feeding her baby food. They were quite the pair!
Where to begin...
Wow! It's been a long time since I blogged last. LOTS has been going on.
I also noticed the little floating baby widget that I had on the side was saying I'm 19 weeks pregnant...um, no, I don't need extra weeks added to my gestation so I deleted it. It seemed easier than trying to fix it :)
On that note, I had a doctor's appt for the baby today and everything looks good! I start going every 2 weeks now. As the nurse was talking to me about symptoms of preterm labor and what things to avoid doing, she watched me pick up Joel (36 pounds) and Jesse (27 pounds) in succession and put them on the table with me. Oops, I guess that's considered a "no no". I was told awhile ago that you could continue lifting anything that you have regularly been lifting pre-pregnancy. Zac then reminded me that our children are still gaining weight so that shouldn't count. What's a mom to do? :)
I'll try to post a few things in order so you can get an idea of how our past few weeks have been filled.
I also noticed the little floating baby widget that I had on the side was saying I'm 19 weeks pregnant...um, no, I don't need extra weeks added to my gestation so I deleted it. It seemed easier than trying to fix it :)
On that note, I had a doctor's appt for the baby today and everything looks good! I start going every 2 weeks now. As the nurse was talking to me about symptoms of preterm labor and what things to avoid doing, she watched me pick up Joel (36 pounds) and Jesse (27 pounds) in succession and put them on the table with me. Oops, I guess that's considered a "no no". I was told awhile ago that you could continue lifting anything that you have regularly been lifting pre-pregnancy. Zac then reminded me that our children are still gaining weight so that shouldn't count. What's a mom to do? :)
I'll try to post a few things in order so you can get an idea of how our past few weeks have been filled.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
What's ahead?
We went to a really great park in Denver today with a little playgroup we are in. It's an amazing park and the boys really like it. We also discoverd a whole "water play" area they have and Joel was just in heaven. I really think he could play in those for hours. The only way I could get him to leave was to entice him with lunch :).
As I was changing both boys back into their clothes and getting their lunch out, one of the moms asked me if I was ready to handle another (she has 2 kids 15 months apart but her oldest is Jesse's age). To be honest, it was really the first time I actually thought hard about it. Thankfully, since the baby will be born in the winter, we won't have too many park/zoo/pool outings until I've gotten the hang things. Those are the stressful outings--the ones where the boys run in different directions and I have to pick which one to get first.
But who am I kidding? The first few months are the easiest when all the baby does is sit in the little infant carseat. It will be next summer that could be a challenge, when he decides it's time to crawl and see the world.
I think I'm just going to have to be really careful where I go and at what times like: Will the baby need to be fed? Is it close to naptime (this mostly applies to Jesse who loves his sleep)? How many unmonitored exits does the building have?
3 kids 3 and under. What was I thinking? Actually, I know that people do this all of the time--some with even more kids. If they survive, so will I. It will just take me a moment to get my balance.
As I was changing both boys back into their clothes and getting their lunch out, one of the moms asked me if I was ready to handle another (she has 2 kids 15 months apart but her oldest is Jesse's age). To be honest, it was really the first time I actually thought hard about it. Thankfully, since the baby will be born in the winter, we won't have too many park/zoo/pool outings until I've gotten the hang things. Those are the stressful outings--the ones where the boys run in different directions and I have to pick which one to get first.
But who am I kidding? The first few months are the easiest when all the baby does is sit in the little infant carseat. It will be next summer that could be a challenge, when he decides it's time to crawl and see the world.
I think I'm just going to have to be really careful where I go and at what times like: Will the baby need to be fed? Is it close to naptime (this mostly applies to Jesse who loves his sleep)? How many unmonitored exits does the building have?
3 kids 3 and under. What was I thinking? Actually, I know that people do this all of the time--some with even more kids. If they survive, so will I. It will just take me a moment to get my balance.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Time's a flyin'!
I cannot believe it's almost the middle of August. This begins a busy couple of weeks for us--preparing to go on vacation next week, then 3 of us are in a wedding in two weeks (showers, bachelorette parties, bridal luncheons, rehearsal, etc...), then a few days off and preschool starts! Wow!
I like the routine of the fall/winter/spring because it means fun activities like MOPS, Bible study, AWANA, preschool, etc. BUT--it means not getting to play outside as much and do really cool things like going to the swimming pool. The fact that fall is quickly approaching also reminds me that the birth of baby boy Hicks is also quickly approaching! I've been putting off getting things all prepared until Joel goes back to preschool but I will have to start soon :).
Maybe I'll even become better at blogging again once we are back into more of a routine.
I like the routine of the fall/winter/spring because it means fun activities like MOPS, Bible study, AWANA, preschool, etc. BUT--it means not getting to play outside as much and do really cool things like going to the swimming pool. The fact that fall is quickly approaching also reminds me that the birth of baby boy Hicks is also quickly approaching! I've been putting off getting things all prepared until Joel goes back to preschool but I will have to start soon :).
Maybe I'll even become better at blogging again once we are back into more of a routine.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Appropriate title
Right now I am really trying to soak in the importance of the title for my blog...One day at a time. I should probably not blog about this until I've had time to debrief a little bit more, but the boys are napping and it's quiet here--I won't get that for awhile again so here I go.
We had our follow-up appointment at Children's hospital with the psychologist that originally evaluated and diagnosed Joel with autism. We have been participating in a research study for the past 5 months and part of the study is a complete evaluation, exactly like the one he had done originally 11/2 years ago. Amazingly, it was the same doctor both times and so we feel like she really has a handle on where he was then and now.
I will start out by saying that Joel is doing really well. God has worked some pretty awesome miracles in his life in terms of development and growth. People frequently tell me that they cannot believe he has autism and that he seems so "normal". I've always wanted to believe that while knowing in my heart that he does still have some significant challenges. After all, people say some meaningless things (like they really know after observing him for 5 minutes in the hallway at church).
Anyway--what we found out is that cognitively, he is extremely bright. His congitive function was testing at the level of a 6 year old (he's 3). However, his language/communication, gross & fine motor skills, and social behaviors test at below average (not very far, but not quite at the "average" level yet). So, if you just compare him to other kids, he looks like he is doing okay--not great but not terrible. BUT, when compared to himself (his own capabilities of function) he is quite behind. In short, his body is not able to put out what his mind is able to comprehend and understand. This provides a fair amount of frustration for him now, but may possibly only get worse as more is expected of him at school, with peers, etc.
That being said, we then moved on in our discussion to the "next steps" for Joel in terms of how to get him the help that he needs. What types of therapies, what specific strategies to use to obtain our goals, and what to expect in the future. All while talking with her I kept seeing these imaginary neon signs flashing in my head that said: "LOTS OF TiME", "LOTS OF MONEY", "ONGOING".
I have never really been one to shy away from hard work. But honestly, with a new baby coming, I just don't know how much I will have to give in the upcoming months. Thankfully he will be in preschool 4 mornings a week and will be receiving therapeutic services there. I will have to be in CONSTANT communication with his teachers to communicate what specifically he needs to be working on, as well as learning from them what things they are learning and what is coming up so that I can prepare him ahead of time to be able to actively participate (i.e. what songs do they sing in the classroom and what are the hand motions that the kids will do so that I can teach him now and he will be able to do it with them when they learn).
This also means finding new private speech and occupational therapists, contacting and fighting with insurance to see what they will cover, and deciding how much we can afford. We've taken a little break on some of the "home therapy" stuff that I had been doing for the summer but I now realize that I need to ramp up and really get the ball rolling again with new strategies and new interventions. It cannot be stressed enough that the younger the child, the better this therapy is received. The older he becomes, the more he will have difficulty with certain challenges if we aren't addressing them head-on right now. As his pyschologist said, the challenges of autsim never really go away, they just change faces as he grows.
So, I'm off to do some more planning, researching, strategizing, and most importantly, praying for these next steps in our lives. We would appreciate you prayers as well. Part of me wants to cry as I am again reminded that this is our reality, but another part of me wants to use this as encouragement to get working again, and continue putting our trust in God who has so faithfully brought us this far.
We had our follow-up appointment at Children's hospital with the psychologist that originally evaluated and diagnosed Joel with autism. We have been participating in a research study for the past 5 months and part of the study is a complete evaluation, exactly like the one he had done originally 11/2 years ago. Amazingly, it was the same doctor both times and so we feel like she really has a handle on where he was then and now.
I will start out by saying that Joel is doing really well. God has worked some pretty awesome miracles in his life in terms of development and growth. People frequently tell me that they cannot believe he has autism and that he seems so "normal". I've always wanted to believe that while knowing in my heart that he does still have some significant challenges. After all, people say some meaningless things (like they really know after observing him for 5 minutes in the hallway at church).
Anyway--what we found out is that cognitively, he is extremely bright. His congitive function was testing at the level of a 6 year old (he's 3). However, his language/communication, gross & fine motor skills, and social behaviors test at below average (not very far, but not quite at the "average" level yet). So, if you just compare him to other kids, he looks like he is doing okay--not great but not terrible. BUT, when compared to himself (his own capabilities of function) he is quite behind. In short, his body is not able to put out what his mind is able to comprehend and understand. This provides a fair amount of frustration for him now, but may possibly only get worse as more is expected of him at school, with peers, etc.
That being said, we then moved on in our discussion to the "next steps" for Joel in terms of how to get him the help that he needs. What types of therapies, what specific strategies to use to obtain our goals, and what to expect in the future. All while talking with her I kept seeing these imaginary neon signs flashing in my head that said: "LOTS OF TiME", "LOTS OF MONEY", "ONGOING".
I have never really been one to shy away from hard work. But honestly, with a new baby coming, I just don't know how much I will have to give in the upcoming months. Thankfully he will be in preschool 4 mornings a week and will be receiving therapeutic services there. I will have to be in CONSTANT communication with his teachers to communicate what specifically he needs to be working on, as well as learning from them what things they are learning and what is coming up so that I can prepare him ahead of time to be able to actively participate (i.e. what songs do they sing in the classroom and what are the hand motions that the kids will do so that I can teach him now and he will be able to do it with them when they learn).
This also means finding new private speech and occupational therapists, contacting and fighting with insurance to see what they will cover, and deciding how much we can afford. We've taken a little break on some of the "home therapy" stuff that I had been doing for the summer but I now realize that I need to ramp up and really get the ball rolling again with new strategies and new interventions. It cannot be stressed enough that the younger the child, the better this therapy is received. The older he becomes, the more he will have difficulty with certain challenges if we aren't addressing them head-on right now. As his pyschologist said, the challenges of autsim never really go away, they just change faces as he grows.
So, I'm off to do some more planning, researching, strategizing, and most importantly, praying for these next steps in our lives. We would appreciate you prayers as well. Part of me wants to cry as I am again reminded that this is our reality, but another part of me wants to use this as encouragement to get working again, and continue putting our trust in God who has so faithfully brought us this far.
Friday, August 1, 2008
A state of the heart
This morning I woke up slightly irritated. It's Zac's day off so he stayed up until 3:30 because he had a "creative inspiration" as he calls it. This is not that uncommon--day off or not--and is often when he writes his best songs. I'm getting over being annoyed by it but I really don't like it when he's a tired zombie his whole day off (although to his credit, he really does try to act normal until naptime).
Anyway, I was annoyed by that. Then I found out that our community garage sale is supposed to be today and tommorow (not tomorrow and Sunday as it stated in the letter). Well, none of our stuff is ready and I was disappointed because Fridays are much better garage sale days than Saturday. Then I got a call from a friend asking me where Bible study was today. "What Bible study?" I asked her. "You know, the one that starts in 20 minutes." We've taken a little hiatus for the summer and no one mentioned to me that we were resuming. I was still in my pj's trying to haul garage sale stuff up from the basement. So, I throw on clothes, wake up Zac to watch the boys and run out the door. On the way out, I realize I can't find my cell phone so I spend the next 10 minutes unsuccessfully looking for it. Now I am late.
As I drive to the study, I realize that I can either choose to remain irritated about the day or change my attitude and try to enjoy it. Then while at Bible study, we were talking about God's sovereignty, his plans for our lives (even down to the little things), different trials and different blessings. It's like God bonked me on the head and said--yes, I do have specific plans for your life, but I won't dictate your attitude. You can choose to see the grace and mercy and blessing, or you can be annoyed and ungrateful because of temporary circumstances. Unfortunately, when I am tired, discouraged, or afraid, I tend to do the latter. But this day I chose to change my heart. I don't need to worry about things I cannot change--I can only be grateful for what I have, and it is so much.
Anyway, I was annoyed by that. Then I found out that our community garage sale is supposed to be today and tommorow (not tomorrow and Sunday as it stated in the letter). Well, none of our stuff is ready and I was disappointed because Fridays are much better garage sale days than Saturday. Then I got a call from a friend asking me where Bible study was today. "What Bible study?" I asked her. "You know, the one that starts in 20 minutes." We've taken a little hiatus for the summer and no one mentioned to me that we were resuming. I was still in my pj's trying to haul garage sale stuff up from the basement. So, I throw on clothes, wake up Zac to watch the boys and run out the door. On the way out, I realize I can't find my cell phone so I spend the next 10 minutes unsuccessfully looking for it. Now I am late.
As I drive to the study, I realize that I can either choose to remain irritated about the day or change my attitude and try to enjoy it. Then while at Bible study, we were talking about God's sovereignty, his plans for our lives (even down to the little things), different trials and different blessings. It's like God bonked me on the head and said--yes, I do have specific plans for your life, but I won't dictate your attitude. You can choose to see the grace and mercy and blessing, or you can be annoyed and ungrateful because of temporary circumstances. Unfortunately, when I am tired, discouraged, or afraid, I tend to do the latter. But this day I chose to change my heart. I don't need to worry about things I cannot change--I can only be grateful for what I have, and it is so much.
Nesting?!
I just noticed that little ticker to the right is about to drop below 100 days....yikes! I can tell that I'm getting close (not just by the growing belly :) but by the amount that I have begun "nesting". Apparently this is a very powerful thing for me when pregnant because I have done it with all 3 boys.
What are your symptoms you ask? Well, it's been different with each kid. With Joel, I became obsessive cleaning woman. I cleaned every inch baseboard in our house with a toothbrush and soapy water. I completely soaped, rinsed, and sanitized the inside of our refrigerator and freezer, I vaccumed out all of our kitchen cabinets (took everything out first), I cleaned all of our blinds, etc. You get the idea.
I also decided it was a great time to redecorate our bedroom (our just decorate, since it was the only room that hadn't really been done after we moved). It turned out really well--I was so pleased. Except for the time that Zac found me sobbing in a really dirty, giant t-shirt on the floor of our bedroom at 10:30 at night (yes, he'd just gotten home from work/class/library--I couldn't keep track then) trying to mop up the 1/2 gallon of dark mocha paint that I had just spilled all over our white carpet.
Lesson #1 (for me) Never carry or hold things that could be extremely messy if dropped when pregnant. Lesson #2 I drop EVERYTHING and fall down a lot when I am pregnant. This has been consistent each time. I actually fell down the stairs while holding Joel at 8 months pregnant with Jesse. Somehow I managed to keep him upright and only I had a few bruises to show for it
Back to nesting.
With Jesse, we had just moved again (so much for the redecorated bedroom) so my obsession was organizing. I unpacked like a maniac and made sure that everything had it's perfect place. I labeled our shelves and bought storage bins. I was constantly on the hunt for the perfect containers to hold everything that I needed. It was as if somehow I knew that having 2 kids under 2 would throw my life into a disorganized state so I was waging a preemptive strike. It didn't work.
Actually, after Jesse was born, I became more disorganized than I have ever been. I've actually been working on that a lot this past year (with Zac's help) and I'm getting better. Just in time for baby #3. And by the way, if someone could find my cell phone for me, that would be great!!
With this baby, my nesting is sort of a combo of the other two pregnancies. I'm still cleaning but my time for that is more limited and since our house is quite new, there hasn't been enough time for lots of dust to accumulate on the baseboards. I have been touch-up painting the countless little spots around the house that are the result of thrown toys, crayons, moving dings, etc. My newest idea is to try and eat ALL of the food that we have in the house. Yep, even the cans of strangeness in the back of the cupboard. I'm looking at it as a challenge to plan meals for the next week that exist with mostly only what we already have--I did have to buy a few supplementary items at the store today just to fill in (without Jesse, see previous post--it was so peaceful). Some of my more challenging "ingredients" are 8 packets of plain instant oatmeal (nobody likes it), a can of evaporated milk, cranberry sauce, whole wheat flour (I buy it trying to be healthy but let's be honest...it totally ruins a cookie), and dried pearl barley. I can kill two birds with one stone by being not wasteful AND cleaning out our pantry and refrigerator.
My other obsession has been with crib bedding/nursery decorations. With each baby, I feel it's important to give them a fresh start with a new nursery. My memories are very visual and I love to picture me with each of them in their own, unique room. I don't spend lots of money. I just try to make it different and special for each one. Plus, it makes having lots of boys in a row still interesting. Anyway--for weeks I was poring over websites looking at crib bedding. I finally found it and it should be delivered tomorrow! Next I will pore over paint colors and valances for the room. Then a matching pillow for the rocking chair and changing pad cover. Really, I could just go on and on, but I won't. I'll show restraint. All of this means moving Jesse out of his room and into the guest room so I'll have to get that room ready too.
After lots of thought, I don't think he and Joel are quite ready to share a room yet--who needs 3 kids not sleeping when the baby comes?!? We'll attempt it next spring maybe. I figured, hey, we have enough bedrooms, why not make use of them?
All of this nesting, when analyzed, makes me realize that it's a place to focus my nervous energy. Some of it is fine and normal. But a lot of it is dealing with anxiety in a way that doesn't truly reach the heart. With this baby in particular, I fear that the boys will feel neglected, I fear the baby may some day be diagnosed with autism, I fear that I won't be able to handle 3 boys 3 and under when Zac is gone so often, I fear the sleep deprivation, etc. Instead of spending so much time "preparing" for the baby, it is my new goal to spend more time preparing my heart. To be in prayer and Scripture more as I daily trust in God and lay these things before his throne. He loves us. He has blessed us immensely--even through the trials--and I want to cling to him, not the things the world says I need to do.
What are your symptoms you ask? Well, it's been different with each kid. With Joel, I became obsessive cleaning woman. I cleaned every inch baseboard in our house with a toothbrush and soapy water. I completely soaped, rinsed, and sanitized the inside of our refrigerator and freezer, I vaccumed out all of our kitchen cabinets (took everything out first), I cleaned all of our blinds, etc. You get the idea.
I also decided it was a great time to redecorate our bedroom (our just decorate, since it was the only room that hadn't really been done after we moved). It turned out really well--I was so pleased. Except for the time that Zac found me sobbing in a really dirty, giant t-shirt on the floor of our bedroom at 10:30 at night (yes, he'd just gotten home from work/class/library--I couldn't keep track then) trying to mop up the 1/2 gallon of dark mocha paint that I had just spilled all over our white carpet.
Lesson #1 (for me) Never carry or hold things that could be extremely messy if dropped when pregnant. Lesson #2 I drop EVERYTHING and fall down a lot when I am pregnant. This has been consistent each time. I actually fell down the stairs while holding Joel at 8 months pregnant with Jesse. Somehow I managed to keep him upright and only I had a few bruises to show for it
Back to nesting.
With Jesse, we had just moved again (so much for the redecorated bedroom) so my obsession was organizing. I unpacked like a maniac and made sure that everything had it's perfect place. I labeled our shelves and bought storage bins. I was constantly on the hunt for the perfect containers to hold everything that I needed. It was as if somehow I knew that having 2 kids under 2 would throw my life into a disorganized state so I was waging a preemptive strike. It didn't work.
Actually, after Jesse was born, I became more disorganized than I have ever been. I've actually been working on that a lot this past year (with Zac's help) and I'm getting better. Just in time for baby #3. And by the way, if someone could find my cell phone for me, that would be great!!
With this baby, my nesting is sort of a combo of the other two pregnancies. I'm still cleaning but my time for that is more limited and since our house is quite new, there hasn't been enough time for lots of dust to accumulate on the baseboards. I have been touch-up painting the countless little spots around the house that are the result of thrown toys, crayons, moving dings, etc. My newest idea is to try and eat ALL of the food that we have in the house. Yep, even the cans of strangeness in the back of the cupboard. I'm looking at it as a challenge to plan meals for the next week that exist with mostly only what we already have--I did have to buy a few supplementary items at the store today just to fill in (without Jesse, see previous post--it was so peaceful). Some of my more challenging "ingredients" are 8 packets of plain instant oatmeal (nobody likes it), a can of evaporated milk, cranberry sauce, whole wheat flour (I buy it trying to be healthy but let's be honest...it totally ruins a cookie), and dried pearl barley. I can kill two birds with one stone by being not wasteful AND cleaning out our pantry and refrigerator.
My other obsession has been with crib bedding/nursery decorations. With each baby, I feel it's important to give them a fresh start with a new nursery. My memories are very visual and I love to picture me with each of them in their own, unique room. I don't spend lots of money. I just try to make it different and special for each one. Plus, it makes having lots of boys in a row still interesting. Anyway--for weeks I was poring over websites looking at crib bedding. I finally found it and it should be delivered tomorrow! Next I will pore over paint colors and valances for the room. Then a matching pillow for the rocking chair and changing pad cover. Really, I could just go on and on, but I won't. I'll show restraint. All of this means moving Jesse out of his room and into the guest room so I'll have to get that room ready too.
After lots of thought, I don't think he and Joel are quite ready to share a room yet--who needs 3 kids not sleeping when the baby comes?!? We'll attempt it next spring maybe. I figured, hey, we have enough bedrooms, why not make use of them?
All of this nesting, when analyzed, makes me realize that it's a place to focus my nervous energy. Some of it is fine and normal. But a lot of it is dealing with anxiety in a way that doesn't truly reach the heart. With this baby in particular, I fear that the boys will feel neglected, I fear the baby may some day be diagnosed with autism, I fear that I won't be able to handle 3 boys 3 and under when Zac is gone so often, I fear the sleep deprivation, etc. Instead of spending so much time "preparing" for the baby, it is my new goal to spend more time preparing my heart. To be in prayer and Scripture more as I daily trust in God and lay these things before his throne. He loves us. He has blessed us immensely--even through the trials--and I want to cling to him, not the things the world says I need to do.
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