Vacation!!!

We went with my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, niece and our family up to the Rocky Mountains near Vail for 5 days last week. It was a really wonderful trip.

Relaxing.

The 1, 2, and 3 year old children were quite well-behaved (well, mine had their moments, but overall, it was good).

The weather was a perfect 80 degrees every day.

We ate tons of great food (the doctor I'm sure noted that at my OB appt today :)

Our hotel room was gigantic (1400 square feet)--Zac says that's one benefit of having the biggest family between all of us.

We had a king-sized bed. This a wonderful thing for myself, the world's lightest sleeper and my husband, the world's most active sleeper. (He's not really THAT bad--we're just a bad combo of the two).

Here are some pics. My little niece, Stella, will be one next month and she loved giving Joel hugs. He tried his hand at feeding her baby food. They were quite the pair!

Where to begin...

Wow! It's been a long time since I blogged last. LOTS has been going on.

I also noticed the little floating baby widget that I had on the side was saying I'm 19 weeks pregnant...um, no, I don't need extra weeks added to my gestation so I deleted it. It seemed easier than trying to fix it :)

On that note, I had a doctor's appt for the baby today and everything looks good! I start going every 2 weeks now. As the nurse was talking to me about symptoms of preterm labor and what things to avoid doing, she watched me pick up Joel (36 pounds) and Jesse (27 pounds) in succession and put them on the table with me. Oops, I guess that's considered a "no no". I was told awhile ago that you could continue lifting anything that you have regularly been lifting pre-pregnancy. Zac then reminded me that our children are still gaining weight so that shouldn't count. What's a mom to do? :)

I'll try to post a few things in order so you can get an idea of how our past few weeks have been filled.

What's ahead?

We went to a really great park in Denver today with a little playgroup we are in. It's an amazing park and the boys really like it. We also discoverd a whole "water play" area they have and Joel was just in heaven. I really think he could play in those for hours. The only way I could get him to leave was to entice him with lunch :).

As I was changing both boys back into their clothes and getting their lunch out, one of the moms asked me if I was ready to handle another (she has 2 kids 15 months apart but her oldest is Jesse's age). To be honest, it was really the first time I actually thought hard about it. Thankfully, since the baby will be born in the winter, we won't have too many park/zoo/pool outings until I've gotten the hang things. Those are the stressful outings--the ones where the boys run in different directions and I have to pick which one to get first.

But who am I kidding? The first few months are the easiest when all the baby does is sit in the little infant carseat. It will be next summer that could be a challenge, when he decides it's time to crawl and see the world.

I think I'm just going to have to be really careful where I go and at what times like: Will the baby need to be fed? Is it close to naptime (this mostly applies to Jesse who loves his sleep)? How many unmonitored exits does the building have?

3 kids 3 and under. What was I thinking? Actually, I know that people do this all of the time--some with even more kids. If they survive, so will I. It will just take me a moment to get my balance.

Time's a flyin'!

I cannot believe it's almost the middle of August. This begins a busy couple of weeks for us--preparing to go on vacation next week, then 3 of us are in a wedding in two weeks (showers, bachelorette parties, bridal luncheons, rehearsal, etc...), then a few days off and preschool starts! Wow!

I like the routine of the fall/winter/spring because it means fun activities like MOPS, Bible study, AWANA, preschool, etc. BUT--it means not getting to play outside as much and do really cool things like going to the swimming pool. The fact that fall is quickly approaching also reminds me that the birth of baby boy Hicks is also quickly approaching! I've been putting off getting things all prepared until Joel goes back to preschool but I will have to start soon :).

Maybe I'll even become better at blogging again once we are back into more of a routine.

Appropriate title

Right now I am really trying to soak in the importance of the title for my blog...One day at a time. I should probably not blog about this until I've had time to debrief a little bit more, but the boys are napping and it's quiet here--I won't get that for awhile again so here I go.

We had our follow-up appointment at Children's hospital with the psychologist that originally evaluated and diagnosed Joel with autism. We have been participating in a research study for the past 5 months and part of the study is a complete evaluation, exactly like the one he had done originally 11/2 years ago. Amazingly, it was the same doctor both times and so we feel like she really has a handle on where he was then and now.

I will start out by saying that Joel is doing really well. God has worked some pretty awesome miracles in his life in terms of development and growth. People frequently tell me that they cannot believe he has autism and that he seems so "normal". I've always wanted to believe that while knowing in my heart that he does still have some significant challenges. After all, people say some meaningless things (like they really know after observing him for 5 minutes in the hallway at church).

Anyway--what we found out is that cognitively, he is extremely bright. His congitive function was testing at the level of a 6 year old (he's 3). However, his language/communication, gross & fine motor skills, and social behaviors test at below average (not very far, but not quite at the "average" level yet). So, if you just compare him to other kids, he looks like he is doing okay--not great but not terrible. BUT, when compared to himself (his own capabilities of function) he is quite behind. In short, his body is not able to put out what his mind is able to comprehend and understand. This provides a fair amount of frustration for him now, but may possibly only get worse as more is expected of him at school, with peers, etc.

That being said, we then moved on in our discussion to the "next steps" for Joel in terms of how to get him the help that he needs. What types of therapies, what specific strategies to use to obtain our goals, and what to expect in the future. All while talking with her I kept seeing these imaginary neon signs flashing in my head that said: "LOTS OF TiME", "LOTS OF MONEY", "ONGOING".

I have never really been one to shy away from hard work. But honestly, with a new baby coming, I just don't know how much I will have to give in the upcoming months. Thankfully he will be in preschool 4 mornings a week and will be receiving therapeutic services there. I will have to be in CONSTANT communication with his teachers to communicate what specifically he needs to be working on, as well as learning from them what things they are learning and what is coming up so that I can prepare him ahead of time to be able to actively participate (i.e. what songs do they sing in the classroom and what are the hand motions that the kids will do so that I can teach him now and he will be able to do it with them when they learn).

This also means finding new private speech and occupational therapists, contacting and fighting with insurance to see what they will cover, and deciding how much we can afford. We've taken a little break on some of the "home therapy" stuff that I had been doing for the summer but I now realize that I need to ramp up and really get the ball rolling again with new strategies and new interventions. It cannot be stressed enough that the younger the child, the better this therapy is received. The older he becomes, the more he will have difficulty with certain challenges if we aren't addressing them head-on right now. As his pyschologist said, the challenges of autsim never really go away, they just change faces as he grows.

So, I'm off to do some more planning, researching, strategizing, and most importantly, praying for these next steps in our lives. We would appreciate you prayers as well. Part of me wants to cry as I am again reminded that this is our reality, but another part of me wants to use this as encouragement to get working again, and continue putting our trust in God who has so faithfully brought us this far.

A state of the heart

This morning I woke up slightly irritated. It's Zac's day off so he stayed up until 3:30 because he had a "creative inspiration" as he calls it. This is not that uncommon--day off or not--and is often when he writes his best songs. I'm getting over being annoyed by it but I really don't like it when he's a tired zombie his whole day off (although to his credit, he really does try to act normal until naptime).

Anyway, I was annoyed by that. Then I found out that our community garage sale is supposed to be today and tommorow (not tomorrow and Sunday as it stated in the letter). Well, none of our stuff is ready and I was disappointed because Fridays are much better garage sale days than Saturday. Then I got a call from a friend asking me where Bible study was today. "What Bible study?" I asked her. "You know, the one that starts in 20 minutes." We've taken a little hiatus for the summer and no one mentioned to me that we were resuming. I was still in my pj's trying to haul garage sale stuff up from the basement. So, I throw on clothes, wake up Zac to watch the boys and run out the door. On the way out, I realize I can't find my cell phone so I spend the next 10 minutes unsuccessfully looking for it. Now I am late.

As I drive to the study, I realize that I can either choose to remain irritated about the day or change my attitude and try to enjoy it. Then while at Bible study, we were talking about God's sovereignty, his plans for our lives (even down to the little things), different trials and different blessings. It's like God bonked me on the head and said--yes, I do have specific plans for your life, but I won't dictate your attitude. You can choose to see the grace and mercy and blessing, or you can be annoyed and ungrateful because of temporary circumstances. Unfortunately, when I am tired, discouraged, or afraid, I tend to do the latter. But this day I chose to change my heart. I don't need to worry about things I cannot change--I can only be grateful for what I have, and it is so much.

Nesting?!

I just noticed that little ticker to the right is about to drop below 100 days....yikes! I can tell that I'm getting close (not just by the growing belly :) but by the amount that I have begun "nesting". Apparently this is a very powerful thing for me when pregnant because I have done it with all 3 boys.

What are your symptoms you ask? Well, it's been different with each kid. With Joel, I became obsessive cleaning woman. I cleaned every inch baseboard in our house with a toothbrush and soapy water. I completely soaped, rinsed, and sanitized the inside of our refrigerator and freezer, I vaccumed out all of our kitchen cabinets (took everything out first), I cleaned all of our blinds, etc. You get the idea.

I also decided it was a great time to redecorate our bedroom (our just decorate, since it was the only room that hadn't really been done after we moved). It turned out really well--I was so pleased. Except for the time that Zac found me sobbing in a really dirty, giant t-shirt on the floor of our bedroom at 10:30 at night (yes, he'd just gotten home from work/class/library--I couldn't keep track then) trying to mop up the 1/2 gallon of dark mocha paint that I had just spilled all over our white carpet.

Lesson #1 (for me) Never carry or hold things that could be extremely messy if dropped when pregnant. Lesson #2 I drop EVERYTHING and fall down a lot when I am pregnant. This has been consistent each time. I actually fell down the stairs while holding Joel at 8 months pregnant with Jesse. Somehow I managed to keep him upright and only I had a few bruises to show for it

Back to nesting.

With Jesse, we had just moved again (so much for the redecorated bedroom) so my obsession was organizing. I unpacked like a maniac and made sure that everything had it's perfect place. I labeled our shelves and bought storage bins. I was constantly on the hunt for the perfect containers to hold everything that I needed. It was as if somehow I knew that having 2 kids under 2 would throw my life into a disorganized state so I was waging a preemptive strike. It didn't work.

Actually, after Jesse was born, I became more disorganized than I have ever been. I've actually been working on that a lot this past year (with Zac's help) and I'm getting better. Just in time for baby #3. And by the way, if someone could find my cell phone for me, that would be great!!

With this baby, my nesting is sort of a combo of the other two pregnancies. I'm still cleaning but my time for that is more limited and since our house is quite new, there hasn't been enough time for lots of dust to accumulate on the baseboards. I have been touch-up painting the countless little spots around the house that are the result of thrown toys, crayons, moving dings, etc. My newest idea is to try and eat ALL of the food that we have in the house. Yep, even the cans of strangeness in the back of the cupboard. I'm looking at it as a challenge to plan meals for the next week that exist with mostly only what we already have--I did have to buy a few supplementary items at the store today just to fill in (without Jesse, see previous post--it was so peaceful). Some of my more challenging "ingredients" are 8 packets of plain instant oatmeal (nobody likes it), a can of evaporated milk, cranberry sauce, whole wheat flour (I buy it trying to be healthy but let's be honest...it totally ruins a cookie), and dried pearl barley. I can kill two birds with one stone by being not wasteful AND cleaning out our pantry and refrigerator.

My other obsession has been with crib bedding/nursery decorations. With each baby, I feel it's important to give them a fresh start with a new nursery. My memories are very visual and I love to picture me with each of them in their own, unique room. I don't spend lots of money. I just try to make it different and special for each one. Plus, it makes having lots of boys in a row still interesting. Anyway--for weeks I was poring over websites looking at crib bedding. I finally found it and it should be delivered tomorrow! Next I will pore over paint colors and valances for the room. Then a matching pillow for the rocking chair and changing pad cover. Really, I could just go on and on, but I won't. I'll show restraint. All of this means moving Jesse out of his room and into the guest room so I'll have to get that room ready too.

After lots of thought, I don't think he and Joel are quite ready to share a room yet--who needs 3 kids not sleeping when the baby comes?!? We'll attempt it next spring maybe. I figured, hey, we have enough bedrooms, why not make use of them?

All of this nesting, when analyzed, makes me realize that it's a place to focus my nervous energy. Some of it is fine and normal. But a lot of it is dealing with anxiety in a way that doesn't truly reach the heart. With this baby in particular, I fear that the boys will feel neglected, I fear the baby may some day be diagnosed with autism, I fear that I won't be able to handle 3 boys 3 and under when Zac is gone so often, I fear the sleep deprivation, etc. Instead of spending so much time "preparing" for the baby, it is my new goal to spend more time preparing my heart. To be in prayer and Scripture more as I daily trust in God and lay these things before his throne. He loves us. He has blessed us immensely--even through the trials--and I want to cling to him, not the things the world says I need to do.